Hello, you may recognise me from past posts such as ‘the Greek Airbnb fairytale’ and ‘is it Brexit or over regulation that bites harder?’, and I’m here once more to expand on something I hold very dear to my heart. I am of course talking about a cinema. Yes – a cinema.. But not any old cinema, well I guess it is kinda old, but I’M TALKING ABOUT THE CINEMA OF CHANIA!! ELLINIS CINEPLEX (not an advert – not getting paid for this although I should – but love doesn’t have a price).
So I know what a lot of you are thinking – ‘What does this have to do with Chania?’, ‘Why is he telling us this?’ and ‘Is this relevant to buying a house?’ well the answer to all three of these questions is YES, especially question number 2, and I will explain why.
- THE BUILDING – This cinema is so incredibly old it is in fact new. As a 14 year old teenager going to a run down, grotty looking, chandelier loving building with stained walls, damp seats and missing light bulbs in 40-62% of each light fitting, wasn’t the most ideal of scenarios, but it didn’t keep me from meeting up with my friends every saturday at 20:30 and watching the new movie everyone was talking about. It didn’t take long before the rising damp and rocking seats became a feature and an addition to the movies, only enhancing the experience. Years later I learnt to appreciate it when I took a second to gaze at the halls’ wonder, realising just how grand and rich in culture the rooms are.
- MID MOVIE BREAK – How many times have you had to miss a portion of the film you’re watching at the cinema because you just can’t hold that large diet coke you’ve been sipping on since the adverts before the movie even began? Oh I understand. I understand alright… How I hate the awkward ‘Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry, just passing through. Sorry need to tinkle. Sorry I didn’t mean to knock over your popcorn. Sorry. JUST MOVE I MUST URINATE NOW!’ One must endure when passing the members of your row on the way to the cludgie. Well that isn’t a problem at our cinema over here, oh no – Cinema Ellinis Cineplex (not an advert). And before you blurt some nonsense about stopping the flow of the movie or breaking the suspense, or something terrible like that – just SHHHHH! YOU’RE WRONG! HOW DARE YOU!? If anything it gives you the opportunity to chat and discuss your impressions of the movie with your mates while going over variations and options of what the grand finale could be. Not to mention, you can visit the loo and buy some more smarties on your way back, after washing your hands. Please remember to do that… Rather its not optional, I’ve decided – UPON VISITING THE CINEPLEX ELLINIS CINEMA (not an ad) ONE MUST ALWAYS WASH ONES HANDS AFTER GOING TO THE TOILET.
- THE LOCATION – Center.. and when I say that I mean it. No matter what you are doing in Chania, you are always a few steps from visiting this cinema, it’s perfect. Not to mention that after each movie one, or atleast I, always go for a little stroll, going over the scenes and taking in all the information just stuffed into my mind. Or in the case of a terrible movie, I have the chance to focus on other things, letting my anger go through sprinting aggressively through the picturesque roads of Chania at 01:00 am on a weeknight. Either way, the fresh air helps and exercise is always good for ya!
- THE STAFF – Now this one here is, I believe, the biggest factor in making this cinema the best cinema globally, perhaps even universally, but I can’t yet be sure as there are still a few toward the west side of the milky way, I have yet to visit. It’s safe to say the cinema is a family run business, not that anyone suspected otherwise – we are afterall talking about Greece, and it has been a family run business since, well… let’s put it this way, since Charlie Chaplin was still an American citizen. [(By the way, I know Charlie Chaplin never really achieved Swiss citizenship, I was just trying to emphasis how ancient the people that own the cinema are.) In a good way of course! Wise.] Naturally, the two men of the family work toward the front of the cinema, cutting and checking tickets, while the wives work at the snack shops. Now despite having been going to this cinema since the age of 12, pretty much every saturday, the two elderly fellows fail to recognise me, smile, or even say hello, each week I’m presented with the same frown assorted with the question – ‘WHICH MOVIE!?’ which in turn is followed by, ‘AH, VERY GOOD, VERY NICE MOVIE!’ It’s simple, it comfortable, I wouldn’t have it any way!
- POSTER MADNESS – This point is perhaps the least obvious but still something worth mentioning in this blog – and not at all a worthless addition in order to arrive to a nice and round 5 on the list of bullet points, ELLINIS CINEPLEX (NOT AN ADD). If you thought google translate is bad, you have yet to see the self made translations of each english spoken movie title into greek from a 95 year old, non english speaking gentleman and is if that isn’t enough, when asking for a ticket, one must ALWAYS refer to the movie in the ‘new and improved’ greek title, otherwise Mr. Ticket guy will not understand you, and you might get stuck watching that sloppy romantic austrian movie instead of Spiderman 2… You have been warned!
There you go, these are the reasons Ellinis cinema is my absolute favorite cinema and offers so much to the island, one must purchase a property in order to experience it in more depth. I suppose you feel cheated or perhaps betrayed by this report but that is fine, I’m merely the messenger and the message is simple, less is more and Ellinis Cineplex is awesome! (not an ad)